The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
