I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
im on a boat
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