The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
