Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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