Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize