uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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