This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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