I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
