this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
