i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
