It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
