they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
