I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
