Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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