he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
