you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
