Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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