I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
