I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
