Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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