While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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