And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
