your thong is hanging out like whoa
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
