whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
His nipple licking is glorious
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