Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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