forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
