I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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