I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize