Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
