I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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