I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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