It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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