my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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