all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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