I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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