i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
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