I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
