when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
