You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
