I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
