its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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