I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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