i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You were trust falling into bushes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
