He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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