I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
