I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
