the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
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If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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