NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
