Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
