He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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