for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
