So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
