My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
