so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
