If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
