i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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