pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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