think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I want a musical about memes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
