We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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