He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
